How can I help my toddler get along with my newborn?
It is natural for young children to be hostile to or around a new baby brother or sister. If they have been the only child they may view the new baby as a playmate. However there is also a chance that he or she will view the new baby as an intruder. After all, your toddler has been the only, or at least the youngest, child around for several years. He is used to getting all the attention and being the only child around. A new baby changes their position and may make them feel threatened. Suddenly people coming over the house are paying more attention to the new baby, even mom and dad.
It is important that you try to distribute your time between you children. Obviously babies need more attention and looking after than toddlers do, but it is important for your toddler to know that you love him just as much as you did before the baby was born, and that you love him and the baby equally. Be sure to set aside special time just for toddler and mommy or daddy. Have a mother-daughter shopping day or go on a father-son fishing trip. Trying reading to your toddler while feeding the baby or planning special activities for when the baby is napping. It is important that you give your toddler the attention he deserves.
Giving your toddler a special job can make him feel more involved in the family responsibilities. A special title like “mommy’s little helper” will make him feel like a big shot. Get your toddler to help you dress or feed the baby, pick out the baby’s clothes or sing a lullaby to the baby to help him fall asleep. This way your toddler feels like he gets to play an active role in the baby’s life and gets to spend more time with you.
Make your toddler a special caregiver to the baby by playing doctor. Get him to hold the baby’s hand while you give him his medicine or help you put a band aid on the baby’s scratch. Let him know that his help makes his baby brother or sister feel much better. You could also find something that your toddler is really good at and enjoys doing and get him to teach it to the baby. Let him know that “because you are so big and so good at…” you want him to teach the baby.
Give the toddler a big responsibility like watching the baby while you do some things around the house. Keeping a strict watch the whole time, you let him know that you trust him enough to take care of the baby by himself. Tell your toddler how much the baby looks up to him and is glad to have such a strong big brother or sister. If your toddler knows how much the baby loves him, he will be more inclined to be gentle with the baby and look after him.
Solomon Brenner has been teaching martial arts to children and adults for ten years, and holds a 6th degree black belt in Kenpo Karate. During that time he has held countless seminars on subjects such as self-esteem in children and teens, behavior and discipline, praise vs. punishment, career motivation, goal setting, parenting, and self defense. He has spoken to elementary schools, women's groups, scouting organizations, civic associations and corporate seminars. Using these experiences, he has recently authored Black Belt Parenting, a motivational how-to book for parents.
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